summer day

I was bad: I had a glass of wine at 3:30 this afternoon. I had been wanting it for a few hours, and even though it has been two weeks since weaning, I still feel like it's not quite right to have a glass of wine during the day. I'm working, after all. We wouldn't do this at a regular job...or would we? I've lost perspective, but it did take the edge off this day that started before 5am with some escalating cries from the crib, and continued with kicks and squirms and whimpers in bed with us, as we tried without success to catch another hour or two of sleep. There were the usual interruptions every time I tried to take a bite of breakfast or a sip of coffee, and the typical injuries sustained when Sam tiptoed onto my bare feet or swung his skull into my nose. All this is wine-worthy on the best of days, but why today? I'm not one to say things like, "There are two kinds of people in the world..." and then make some random distinction...but sometimes I feel like I can divide my days between the ones where something gets broken, and those where things stay intact. Around 10 this morning Sam broke a plate by pushing it from the counter into the sink. At lunch the breadbox door splintered and fell off as I had to dart away without closing it properly in order to prevent another mishap (that detail now lost without physical breakage to remember it). At this very moment he is alternating between swinging a red spatula around the room, and grabbing the lamp-chain from the corner of this desk. You see what it's like. If one more thing breaks I'm definitely having a refill.

hot

Since my persistent efforts at house-hunting have yielded no real results so far, we are stuck in our little rental inferno during this most recent heat wave. As the all-day sun beats down on our uninsulated roof, the temperature inside climbs even higher than the reported high of 96 outdoors. Yesterday I stripped Sam down to his diaper and we had some fun in the front yard. The camera came out because he seemed interested in his sunglasses, and it has been my mission to get a shot of him wearing them.

Alas, the sunglasses were not tolerated for long. Filling Taimi the cat's water bowl seemed much more fun. Even more fun to keep spilling it and refilling it again and again.

Our Sungold patio tomato needed some water as well.

We barely water our lawn, but Sam couldn't resist.

Not a bad way to spend a hot afternoon. Today we're headed to a friend's pool for our first swimming lesson. Ah, I feel cooler already.

portland vacation

Before we left town for our roadtrip to Portland, I quizzed the other playgroup moms for tips and warnings concerning 24 hours of total driving time with a toddler. Nobody had yet attempted anything of this magnitude, but optimism was high. Offers of portable dvd players and various videos were abundant. Various tricks and ideas I had planned and shared with them were met with approval and encouragement. I wasn't dreading the drive at all; in fact, it was my bright idea to do the trip this way, allowing us to save some money and have more flexibility and fluidity.

We survived. We drove our small subaru imprezza for the gas mileage, and Sam had never ridden in that car before, so we had a novelty factor there. Plus we decided to turn his carseat around to forward-facing for the first time, figuring that he would do better if we could all see each other. Sure enough, as soon as we pulled out of the driveway and around the corner, Sam let out his characteristic single-syllable laugh of surprised amusement. That moment turned out to be the highlight of the drive.

We split the drive into two-day segments each way, leaving in the evening and driving as far as we could while Sam slept, then stopping for the night at a motel and continuing the next morning until we got there. This was a good plan, and mostly worked out as we had hoped. We did borrow the portable dvd player and put it to good use watching Elmo (so annoying and not so appealing to Sam), the Wiggles (captivates him), and Sesame Street Old School (he likes and we like). We took long lunch breaks during the day-journeys, giving Sam ample time to run around while we tried to feed him our picnic lunch.

Was it fun? No. Not fun. Crying, whining, even screaming, and difficulty car-sleeping about half the time. Worth it? Yes, absolutely. As one seasoned mom friend of mine looked at it: we're conditioning him for future long car rides. And believe me, there will be future Portland roadtrips...My new niece? I love her already! So tiny and cute and sweet. So many facial expressions, changing by the second, arms and legs waving, dropping off to sleep at all hours, so portable and compliant! She even smiled at me a few times. Sam showed some of his darker sides during our visit, but when he first met his new cousin, he gently laid his head against her. In the photo above he is gently touching her arm with his finger. I'm imagining lots of cousin-fun in the years ahead.

19 months!

Wow, the past month went fast. Sam is 19 months old today! He is making great leaps with language these days...speaking words he knows with glee, parroting us, talking to us with "words" we don't understand yet.

New favorite word: keys ("eeeez" this word prompted him to rediscover his old baby keys rattle, see photo).

Other new words: cheese ("eeezh"), yogurt ("oh-ur"), tofu ("wo-wu"), oatmeal ("oh-ee"), mama/mommy (perfectly pronounced), thank you ("ay-ooo" not on his own yet, but he says it a lot after we say it), hello? ("oh?" which he says when he puts something up to his ear like a telephone), Sadie ("ay-ee" his little friend from playgroups).

Words he says that mean something to him, but not us yet: "dee" which he says when he notices something that he likes; "aish" which he says when he wants us to do something different.

My favorite new word of his, which made my little heart grow 3 sizes bigger when I first heard him say it one night, in that sweet, clear, high-pitched voice of his: "nigh-nigh." He loves giving good-night kisses too, which, along with his strong hugs, pretty much makes bedtime the sweetest time of day.

baby fashion

I admit it: I like dressing Sam in cute outfits. For me, that means an earthy palette of greens and blues, jeans, cargo pockets, no slogans or obvious branding, minimal imagery (maybe a small tasteful animal or embroidered fire engine), the occasional rivet or leather, and absolutely no sports themes. I happily made a couple exceptions for gifts given by my Patriots-and-Red-Sox-fan brother, but nothing like the entire wardrobe of Patriots clothing that will be proudly adorning my new niece (I'm sure he'll make exceptions for my gifts of crocheted and embroidered sundresses too). I see a lot of toddler boys wearing sweatpants with racing stripes, white athletic shoes, and team shirts, but not Sam. He doesn't even own a baseball cap.

Then my mom gave him this Scotland soccer jersey, and I must say I am really liking it. Sam wore it for the first time yesterday, and I kept disproportionately admiring it all afternoon. Maybe it's the blue color that goes so well with Sam's beautiful eyes. Maybe it reminds me of my dear Aunt Gertrude, who loved Scotland (and me) so much. Maybe it inspires me to see into the future, Sam playing soccer, blessed with his father's good genes and skilled coaching, actually adept at sports, unlike his awkward and nonathletic mommy, who was painfully bad at every sport except swimming. I don't know what it is about this cute shirt, or what it says about my toddler fashion aesthetic, probably nothing. Just another small pleasure in my simple life of being mommy.

order and chaos

About a year ago Sam started crawling, and with that milestone our home became a little matchbox of chaos. When he started pulling himself up onto furniture, the house ceased once and for all being the charming domain of adults, and became a realm of babygates, strategically propped pillows, strewn toys and weirdly half-clear table surfaces. Our sharp-edged coffee table was moved to the garage, and the couch was placed in an odd location in the middle of the room so as to block off the potentially deadly antique lawyers bookshelf and equally rickety antique buffet. Eventually my desk and computer were crammed into our bedroom, where eight pieces of furniture line the walls with no space between them. In the kitchen, we blocked off the open pantry shelves such that I have to move two chairs in order to reach the pasta. Table surfaces had to be clear the length of Sam's reach, so everything on them, like mail, books, coasters, diaperbag, and camera, was deposited in a messy pile at one end. Even with all this babyproofing, Sam got into everything. If there was a hole in our armor, he would find it. Reaching through the gate and around the pillows to fiddle with the stereo buttons, crawling under the table and two chairs to pull out all the cookbooks, squeezing between the wall and the coat-rack causing it to tip over, finding the one envelope poking out from the pile and using its leverage to drag the entire stack off the edge...and on and on. Going to other people's homes, even those with kids the same age, was always dicey. Sam was particularly curious, and therefore prone to cause chaos.

Dare I say it: I have recently become aware of a new trend towards order. Sam puts his cup back on the table instead of flinging it willynilly. If it tips, he rights it. He finds my shoes by the couch and moves them to their proper spot by the front door. After pulling out a book from his bookshelf, he puts it back, and if the spine is not facing out, he turns it the right way. I leave the diaperbag out on a chair, and it is entirely possible that it will not be immediately targeted and rifled through. He plays with the lipbalm I keep on my bedside table, and instead of finding it in a random drawer or under the sheets, I find it back where it belongs. Every day after dinner I wipe off Sam's hands and face with a washcloth and then carry it to the laundry basket on our way to the bathtub. The other day Sam picked up his dirty washcloth himself and carried it directly to the laundry basket in his room. Without being asked. Don't get me wrong, there is no ocd going on here; there is still plenty of mindless dropping, flinging, and misplacing, and our house is by no means orderly. But something has happened to my little whirlwind of chaos, and I like it. I am taking full advantage. We are working on picking up toys, putting away dirty clothes, and dusting mommy's knickknacks. Ok, not the last one, not yet.

late afternoon walk

Last summer Sam was a crawling baby who only ate purees for dinner, and part of our evening bedtime routine was to go for a short stroller walk up the street before taking a bath. This year he is a running toddler who says words and eats regular food, and lately he has been wanting to go outside right before dinner, so much that he grabs my hand and tugs me towards the front door. So we've resurrected our walk up the street, only now we go hand-in-hand. Yesterday, Sam missed out on playgroup because he was still contagious, but he was feeling much better and tugged me to the door just as I was starting to get his dinner ready. There was a bit of a chill, so I zipped on his 'leather' jacket, and off we went.

We stopped to check out some lavender and of course point out doors too.

He likes to walk on the river rock landscaping that many of our neighbors have on their parking strip. Sam also seems destined to get a splinter because he loves this old wooden fence. He liked the all the attractions on our walk much better than his subsequent dinner. His appetite for food isn't quite back yet, but I'm glad his outdoor spirit is.

baking and miso soup

Our long weekend was largely composed of sleeping, cuddling, dispensing medicine, and taking walks. No bbq, no household projects, no tackling of the task list. Just taking care of our sick little boy, and trying to keep us grown-ups from getting sick(er) ourselves. Still, it was Denis' birthday and we managed to celebrate a bit. Denis is fond of chocolate, and the past two years I have baked him chocolate cakes (actually I think I skipped a year in there when I was still in first trimester wooziness). Anyway, those who know me know that I am MUCH more of a cook than a baker. In fact, before getting married and having a baby, I really didn't want to have much to do with flour and measuring spoons at all. Somehow having a husband and child changed that and suddenly I find myself with a kitchenaid mixer and a bunch of sugary recipes.

Well, I could use some help. I opted out of the chocolate frustrations of my previous cake forays, and picked this Three-Berry Cake which seemed simple enough for a non-baker-nurse-mom. It turned out great, as you can see by the photo above, but that is despite the fact that I completely screwed up the lemon zesting. I have a small zester, which I find very ineffective, and a small cheese grater, which I used this time and managed to grate all the way to the pith (though I tried not to), making the zest bitter and useless. If anyone can tell me how to successfully zest a lemon (i.e. a good tool to use), I would be very grateful. This cake was tasty though, and best of all Denis liked it. He even packed himself a little piece for his lunch today.

While we're on the subject of baking questions, I've been getting into baking banana bread, using this recipe and it is very banana-y and delicious, but again I could use some advice. While this bread is baking, it oozes out a LOT of watery buttery liquid which drips to the bottom of the oven (or now that I know, onto a cookie sheet). This doesn't seem normal, and makes cleanup more involved, though the bread is moist and fantastic. Any ideas on how to avoid the ooze? And now, back to cooking....familiar territory. I am fully convinced that the soup above has been responsible for the fact that I am not sick, and that Denis is not sicker than he already is. Miso soup is the most delicious and powerful medicine you can make. Meat-eaters have chicken soup, I guess, but for me, miso soup is where it's at. It only takes 20 minutes to make! Sam even ate the tofu and noodles, and his appetite has been basically non-existent for days. I made it twice this weekend: basically I sauteed in a saucepan on medium high heat a lot of minced ginger, a couple dashes of red pepper flakes, and some tofu in toasted sesame oil a couple minutes. Added a lot of crushed garlic, a few sliced scallions (and julienned carrots one time), sauteed some more. Added a handful of baby spinach leaves, some cooked noodles, and a dash of shoyu (or tamari). Added some water to not quite cover the raw spinach leaves, and covered pan until wilted and water just boiling. Took pan off heat. Stirred in a cup or two of warm water with a few tablespoons of (stirred and dissolved) miso. Done! If you get the proportions right, you have a nice savory broth with perfectly balanced ginger-garlic flavors, a hint of scallion and other veggies, a touch of heat, and the satisfying softness of noodles and tofu. Yummy! Or as Sam would say, "Mmmmmmm."

ear infections

Well, Sam wasn't any better yesterday; in fact he seemed even more unhappy, and had some disturbing nighttime nosebleeding...so this morning we went back to the doctor. Diagnosis: 2 ear infections, and nosebleeding nothing to worry about. So he's on antibiotics now, and we are all hitting this baby illness milestone together. I have much more understanding now of what some of my fellow moms have been going through with their sick babies. It is so hard to watch them suffer, not know what's hurting, fret about their fluid intake, worry that it's all so much more serious, and keep up the pace with all their needs for comfort, reassurance, mind-reading and making it all better. When hugs and kisses don't calm the whimpers, when wiping the nose doesn't make breathing easier, when offers of juice or water or mommy's juice or special-cup-juice are all unappealing, when the brow is hot and the eyes puffy, when a walk sounds good but then walking hurts too, when even pointing at doors does not bring back that sparkle...that is being sick. Sam, our little bundle of joy, is sick.

virus update

I ended up taking Sam to the doctor yesterday since the long weekend was coming and I wanted to rule out anything serious. Diagnosis: a bad virus, but no secondary bacterial infections. The rash on his neck and back is related to his virus, rather than the heat rash I thought it was from last week's super-hot weather. But his lungs sound fine and his ears are healthy-looking, and his throat looks sore but nothing worse than that. Probably his sore throat is what prompted him to point to his mouth and whimper the other day, not teething as I thought.

Last night he did not have a wake-up until 5:30, at which point we again brought him to bed to sleep with us, since he was otherwise inconsolable. Today he seems about the same as yesterday, drinking more and fighting his nap right now (did we spoil him by letting him sleep with us? maybe.), but energy- and mood-wise about the same. It's nice to have Denis helping me today. Tomorrow is Denis' birthday, and Monday we have a bbq with some playgroup families, so I hope Sam turns a corner today. I know he would enjoy our fun plans. It's his worst illness of his short life so far and his suffering is so terrible and real. I've postponed weaning until he gets better. Nursing seems to bring him comfort as well as (hopefully) some healthy antibodies. Get well, little guy! We love you.

18 months (and 10 days)

Sam turned 18 months last week! He had his well-baby check too. He measured 2'8.5" tall, which is at 64% for boys his age, and 24lbs 6oz, which is 32% for boys his age. Long and lean, sounds about right. They also measure head circumference, which is 19.02" or 68%. The doc was impressed that Sam has never been on antibiotics in his short life and judged him to be a very healthy happy little boy (of course there was nothing happy about his mood when she checked him, he screamed the whole time!). At the time of his check-up I counted 8-9 words that he could say, which is not too shabby for his age. They look for 20 words by 20 months, but a lot can develop in the last month, she said. Since the visit, I think he's picked up a couple more words. New words this past month: woof-woof (for dog), hi, bye-bye, buh-buh (bunny), door, bubble, ball. New words the past week: hot and trash (when he *ahem* finds something on the floor, then runs with it over to the kitchen trashcan). New word yesterday: juice. Other developments: getting really good feeding himself with the spoon, first band-aid worthy boo-boo (middle finger of right hand got caught in a door, my fault), first skinned knee (a hot day in our backyard), allows mommy to "blow" his nose with a tissue, one-nap schedule totally stabilized and working great (6:30/7:00am wakeup, 12:00ish-2:00ish nap, 7:30 bedtime).

And today's update: Sam is sick! He has a low-grade/moderate fever, a smidgen of a runny nose, and an occasional cough. His spirits are down, he didn't nap more than 30 minutes yesterday, and his appetite's been almost nil, though he did down like 12 ounces of juice when he woke up yesterday (see his new word for the day above). Motrin lowers his fever and makes him feel better, but most of the day he just wimpered and glued himself to me, poor guy. Just when I've started weaning too. Not the first time I'll feel mommy-guilt, I'm sure. A little Sesame Street Old School (from my era--the 70's) made us both feel a little better.

Last night was bad: 5 or 6 wake-ups, hot and sweaty with fever, we comforted and alternated dosing motrin and tylenol, adjusted clothing and room temperature several times, changed a diaper, and finally, at 5:30 brought him into our bed to sleep on my chest, just like when he was a newborn. I was recently telling my brother, the brand-new dad, that the chest-sleeping really helps newborns sleep better, but that it doesn't last. Once they get a bit older, you can't do it anymore, so enjoy it while you can. Well, I wish Sam wasn't sick, but it sure was nice to sleep together like that one more time.

This morning, I think his fever broke because he is cool to the touch and in better spirits. He ate almost an entire 2-egg portion of scrambled eggs with salsa. At one point (before his tylenol re-dose) he whimpered and pointed to his teeth. I asked him if his teeth hurt, and he nodded affirmatively. So maybe he's teething too, which would explain all the drooling. Ok, I know this level of detail is not exactly interesting if you are not Sam's mommy, but I was proud that there was at least some communication about what has been bothering him. My little boy is growing up.

weaning: part 1

As I sit here and type, Sam is reading his going-to-bed book with his Daddy instead of with me. It is our first night of voluntarily (on my part, not Sam's) not nursing before bed. There were a few tears when I kissed and hugged him goodnight, but Sam loves his Daddy so much that he was quickly distracted by the pleasure of pointing out doors and kitties in his current bedtime favorite, Tumble Bumble by Felicia Bond.

It has been quite a journey nursing Sam these past 18 months, and I consider it one of my proudest lifetime accomplishments. It is bittersweet to begin weaning. I had hoped for child-led weaning, but the truth is that I am ready now. At least, I would like to stop nursing before bed and before nap, and keep the morning nursing a little while longer. I have much more to say on this very fundamental component of our lives this past year and a half, but for now I will leave it here, and tiptoe past Sam's door, where he is no doubt sleeping peacefully.

into the weeds

pretty and tasty: borage, a nice weed

I remember when I used to get paid to do gardening 40 hours a week. It was my job in one form or another for many years. Sometimes people would express how lucky I must feel to play in a garden all day for money, and I would reply that yes, I did feel lucky, but not because I was playing, and certainly not because I was getting paid much. I felt lucky because I had a real connection to my work and a sense of pride that I was doing something to improve the earth rather than plunder it. But it was a job like any other job, with its stresses and hardships and tedium. In the midst of managing everything, I would often long simply to weed mindlessly all day. To drop the endless list of tasks, troubleshooting, and timelines, to just squat and think small, think weeds, think nothing. That would have been playing, I thought, how nice that would be. But there was never enough weeding for that. I weed very fast for one thing, and I manage the garden in such a way that there aren't too many weeds in the first place. Weeding is also an easy task to give to volunteers or interns looking for a job to do. So weeding was never actually a big part of my day, which is maybe why I dreamed of it so fondly.

Well, guess what I will be doing all summer? Yup, weeding. I have the weediest community garden plot I have ever seen. I mean, it is a blanket of weeds! And not just easy weeds either, we're talking bindweed and bermuda grass, man. That stuff never goes away. You pull it out one day and it's back the next. Roots that go all the way to China. It will be interesting to see how well my plants grow, because this underground network of weed roots is a constant tap on my soil nutrients. I'm hesitant even to mulch it, because that would make pulling the pernicious weeds more difficult, even while suppressing some of the more innocuous ones. Jeez.

weeded, partially planted on left, unweeded and unplanted on right

It doesn't help that I feel like I'm being watched by my fellow community gardeners. They certainly don't have the weed situation that I do. I'm the new person, falling down thankful that I even get a plot in the first place. They know very well what they did: they gave me the plot from weed hell, and they don't even know that I used to dream of weeding. They go about their business, watering their perfectly neat little rows of beets and peas, admiring their perfectly clean black soil, looking over at the mess they handed me out of the corners of their eyes, thinking, Is she still over there weeding? Does she know not to put the bad weeds in the compost pile? Does she know those weeds will come back? How will she handle this garden bed that has frightened away all gardeners before her?

Well. We shall see.

home

from Each Peach Pear Plum, by Janet and Allan Ahlberg, Puffin Books, 1978
Sam and I share a common passion these days...illustrations of cute little houses in his children's books. For Sam, his passion for houses is connected to one of his Very Favorite Things and currently his favorite word, "door," which he loves to have the excuse to say out loud. He has always loved opening and closing our front door, and any other door he finds, so it makes sense that he would enjoy pointing them out in his books.

from Kiss Good Night, by Amy Hest and illustrated by Anita Jeram, Candlewick Press, 2001
I also love the house images from these books because they so charmingly evoke that feeling of "home sweet home," a feeling I long for and work towards with every real estate listing I look at. As Sam and I turn the pages of these books, and he points and exclaims "door!", I reinforce his interest with "wow! another door!" and at the same time I dream yet again of living in a little house of our own, as cute and as perfect as the little houses in these books.

Of course the reality of the homes I see, and there have been a LOT of them, is that they are rarely cute. But that's ok, that can come later. For now, we're looking for just a few criteria:

1. 30 minutes drive or less to Denis' workplace (the shorter the better)
2. not in a rundown neighborhood
3. not needing any big improvement projects
4. fits all our stuff somehow
5. has a yard suitable for gardening and playing
6. has good light inside
7. in a good school district
8. we can afford it
9. has a garage, preferably attached

It's usually the light that is the most elusive. Why are so many houses dark? I don't get it at all. Good light is so powerful in a home, I think, and I don't want to compromise that. Often, too, the yards I see are not suitable, because they are too shady. One house that I was just about ready to say, "this is the one!" had excellent light and the perfect backyard: half shady and half sunny. But then there were some big problems, so it turned out that it wasn't the one.

This week I spent several hours thinking I had "the one" too. It had all our criteria, except that it had a bonus room/dining room instead of a third bedroom, and we decided that we could do better than that. It was cute, though.

Honestly, I am getting a bit burned out. I have looked at over 30 homes (I should count them, maybe it's even more than that), most of them with a squirming Sam on my hip. If he could talk, I'm sure he would say "Come on, Mommy (or Daddy, since he still calls me Daddy), let's get this one! It has everything I need: doors, a bath, and some outside space! Can we get it? Please?" And then he'd run around with his big smile on his face, so easily satisfied.

I, too, am almost ready to just pick one already. The weather is getting hot, and the worst thing about our current house is how stifling it becomes in hot weather. When I was pregnant two summers ago, I would take cool baths just to get through the heat of the day. Last summer, Sam was barely a crawler, and we spent afternoons playing and reading on a blanket in the shade of the olive tree in our front yard. This morning, we took a walk downtown and it was already very warm. We passed all the pretty houses, and I literally fantasized that someone would just walk out and tell me I could name my price and the house would be ours. Ha! I should stick to fantasizing plant lists!

I am willing myself not to be discouraged. To keep going, keep looking. These little house illustrations, and Sam's infinite enthusiasm for them, keep me positive. We will have our home sweet home, and maybe someone will even find it charming enough to draw a sweet picture of it someday.

Mothers Day

My two loves gave me the perfect day. I appreciate every moment.

what a difference a gate makes

The other day I met up with our Tuesday playgroup at a fenced-in park, and now I may never go back to an unfenced park again. All the moms got to chat, I got to take pictures, the kids were happy and safe without being chased and redirected from the parking lot or the horseshoe pit. So relaxing, a big change for me since Sam is often the one most actively trying to escape the group for something more interesting far away. He was also quite happy in his confined space. Here's four of them: Sam looking back at his girl buddies Sadie and Megan, and behind them Megan's twin Ryan in the process of standing up.

Sam and Ryan had the unfortunate shared experience of getting dog poop on their shoes somehow.
Probably when they were having this pow-wow at the far side of the park.
We love our buddy Sadie who just moved into our neighborhood! She shared some of her strawberries with Sam and he proceeded to grab them by the fistfuls and finished every last one! Luckily we had some orange to share. Don't they look cute together?

a new cousin

In my continuing quest to capture Sam's incredible cuteness on film this week, I was subjecting Sam to another photography session the other day while he played in his room. After many blurry deletes, I caught this gem, and then, seconds later I turned off the camera because the phone rang. It was my brother with the news that Sam's little cousin was on the way. Yesterday morning she was born! We are so excited to meet her! Welcome to the family Sofia!

hold still!

The photo of Sam that is my computer's wallpaper dates from last September, when he was 10 months old. Prior to that photo, I had a changing series of favorite portraits of him as my wallpaper since before he was born (if you include pregnancy photos). Why not change it since September? Well, this little guy just doesn't hold still for good portraits anymore! Add to that the poor light in our house, and it has simply been tough to get nice closeups of him lately. I can sometimes catch him in his highchair, but I'm not so fond of the food-smeared face look. Yesterday I took about 30 shots and managed to catch him once in focus for a thoughtful pose.

Otherwise, he really only sits still to read, but I have to be stealthy. If he knew I had the camera pointed at him, he'd be scrambling out of his reading nook faster than a shutter click. Then we'd have yet another blurry shot of Sam in motion. Thank goodness for digital.

mommy's shower

I call myself "mommy" a lot with Sam..."mommy's going to put your shoes on now...do you need mommy to help you?...no pinching mommy...mommy's turn to brush your teeth...mmmm, mommy likes broccoli." I don't really say "I" or "my" with him too much. Is this weird? I don't know. I just hope I don't do it with other people because that would be weird.

Anyway. When Sam started taking only one midday nap several weeks ago, a problem arose as to when I would take my shower (when mommy would take mommy's shower). Previously, he took an early nap and I could shower during his nap around 9:30, which was acceptable. Now, his nap wasn't until 11:30 and we usually wanted to leave the house for an outing beforehand. Waiting for naptime was not going to work, and taking a shower really early, before Denis left the house, was just too early and hectic. Leaving Sam alone to play, even with the bathroom door open, was just not safe.

I started putting him in his crib with some toys and books while I took the fastest shower I possibly could, but Sam did not like this idea at all! He screamed and screamed in protest. How dare I confine him! I tried to ease him into it by explaining how nice it would be to play in his crib for awhile. I started reserving his favorite toys only for shower-time. I gave him lots of praise and attention before and after. Nothing helped. Screaming and screaming, all through my shower, toys and books thrown on the floor. Very relaxing, let me tell you. My showers were over in 7 minutes, but it was the most headache-inducing 7 minutes of the day.

What could I do? I explored all options, but this one really was the best, if only Sam could agree with me. And finally, he did. Being consistent paid off, and day by day, he cried less vehemently and seemed to accept that crib-time during mommy's shower was not so bad.

The past few days, when I've asked him "Ready to go read in your crib while mommy takes a shower?" Sam nods, grabs a book, and walks towards his room with a smile on his face. I drop a stack of books in his crib with him, and he amuses himself reading while I take whatever time I need to get ready. It's quite pleasant. I think he even starts slowing down a bit in anticipation of his quiet reading time.

So mommy's shower is no longer a problem, and is now just part of our morning flow. I always considered myself a good problem-solver in work settings. The stay-at-home-mom job has some pretty mundane problems, but it still feels satisfying when they get solved.

gardening together

lettuce seedlings laid out for planting, mulched cover crops in background

It's been a busy few days here...a visit from Sam's Nana, looking at a dozen or so more houses, and planting the first little space of our community garden plot. Thanks to the rare babysitting support, Denis and I actually got to work on the garden together, which I had schemed as soon as I heard my mom was coming to town. Sure, we had a date-night complete with drinks and dessert out on the town, but it was the date-in-the-dirt that I was really looking forward to.

My former self would have balked at the shortcuts we had to take, and the fact that we purchased our seedlings and compost rather than grow our own...but what can I say? Raising a toddler is my full-time, overtime, all-the-time job now. Until Sam can be trusted not to mess with water timers and dripline, I'm not going to have the time or focus to get perfect soil aggregation and root hair contact, to pick out the nitrogen-robbing straw, and wait for optimum legume nodules. Most people I talk to these days don't even know what all that means! So. Denis and I had exactly 3 non-consecutive hours before dark to do everything from browsing the nursery to cover crop skimming to watering-in, not to mention dealing with pernicious weeds like my old friend bermuda grass. But the little beauties made it in the ground...basil, parsley, cilantro, zucchini, pattypan squash, and two varieties of lettuce. Enjoy your new home little ones! I promise I'll take care of you in between naptime and snacktime.

P.S. Special hello and good wishes to SteveW, L, and sweet little E...we're thinking of you.

I've been tagged!

Ok, so there are some games that go on in the world of blogs and I guess I've just been tagged to play one.

this is how it goes:
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post THE RULES on your blog.
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

I was tagged by carriealair another cool toddler-mom

here are a 7 random things about me:
1. I like cute lamps, like the orange-lampshade, pull-cord, brass thrift store lamp on my desk
2. my favorite magazine is the New Yorker
3. I've always been a purger rather than a packrat, though that's changed slightly living with my packrat husband
4. there must be an awesome clothesline spot at our new home (I hate the energy waste of dryers)
5. I am still not a morning person, though I've aspired to be one for a long time
6. my pipedream vacation must involve snorkeling (I've never done it)
7. I'm teaching myself embroidery while Sam sleeps

and I have to tag 7 other bloggers...hmm, this may be hard, let me get back to this...

little friends

We've missed our little friends this week with all the sniffling and coughing around here. This photo is from about 6 weeks ago and shows Sam giving some affection to his little buddy Sadie. I'm not sure she considers a pat-pat-pat on the head to be affectionate, but she tolerated it really well.

I also missed a rare evening night out with some of the playgroup moms last night. I really didn't want to be coughing into the Thai food, so I bowed out regretfully. Last week another group of moms went out for dinner, and I enjoyed that a lot. There were a few moments of out-of-control laughter due to some shared story that only a toddler mom could find hilarious.

Here's hoping we're all feeling well by this weekend!

talking and coughing

If I had a regular paying job, I would have called in sick today. Gripped with a stuffy head and nasty cough, I took it a little slow with my toddler-gig this afternoon. Sam has started saying a new word (no surprise to any of us)...door, which sounds like a high pitched "doooooR" and is very charming, especially since he is often smiling with glee while saying it. We had suspected that this word was in play for a few days, and then it became positively clear on a neighborhood walk Sam and I took last Friday.

I had him in the ergo carrier (on my back) and we just walked up and down the pretty tree-lined streets, me having serious house dreams, and Sam babbling away thinking who-knows-what. Until. He started protesting that we were walking past the park rather than stopping! I should have known better of course, but it was almost naptime and we couldn't stop, so what I did to distract him was to start pointing at things and naming them, "look at the bushes, Sam!...oh, and there's a stick!..." exciting stuff like that. It's worked before, what can I say. But then, Sam started doing it himself, pointing towards the houses and saying "dooooooR!" I got excited too and soon we were pointing out and exclaiming with every door we passed. There were a lot of them!

Since then, it's become a regular thing for Sam to remind us that there is a door in the room, or on the page of the book, or on a house we pass on a walk. In fact sometimes nothing else matters except where the next door is. We love it, and Sam's pronunciation is getting really good too, with the "R" sound at the end becoming more present.

So today, I pulled out one of my old favorite childhood books that I recently rediscovered in an old box, The Giant Walt Disney Word Book, published by Golden Press in 1971. It is inscribed to me from my Dad on May 16, 1974, apparently following a business trip to NYC. I adored this book. It is 141 pages of detailed scenes with labelled objects and old-timey Disney characters doing things (such as On The Farm and When We are Sick, pictured above). Since Sam is really into his word books now, I thought he would enjoy this one, while I could remain on the couch within reach of the kleenex. Well, we spent over an hour looking at page after page pointing out all the doors. Sam would say, "doooooor! doooooor!" and I would say, "Yes! *coughcough* I see the door! *coughcough* That's a good one!"

And so the afternoon passed. Sam never seemed to mind all the coughing and nose blowing...he was too busy learning to talk.

the littlest farmer

So part of the intention of writing this blog into the universe was to help manifest the merging of the new me, a full-time toddler mama, with my long-term identity as a biointensive grower. It has been so incredibly all-consuming to incubate, give birth, breastfeed, comfort, play, clean, and teach these past couple of years (not to mention kiss, cuddle, stare at cuteness, take pictures, stare at picture cuteness...) that I have had no time for sowing, digging, weeding, harvesting, or composting. At least, until a couple of months ago when I started my plot at the local community garden. Yay for that. A mix of cover crops is slowly making its way towards feeding my soil with newly fixed nitrogen...love that.

But what I really really want is to open my backdoor and step out into a mini-farm of our own. I want Sam to wake up in the morning and run outside in his barefeet and pj's and pick dew-covered strawberries for breakfast. This dream is so strong in me, more powerful than any dream has ever been. I must make this happen for our family.

So we've been househunting. I've seen 13 houses in the past three weeks, and many more before that. I always spend the most time looking at the yard, figuring out the exposure with my compass, tearing up the grass and laying out the beds in my mind, and getting that most important "feel" for the place. Still looking. This house will not be our dream farm yet, but it will be our little homestead and we will make a tiny farm out of it.

update

After the milestones review the other day, I've been thinking about all the other things I could say about where Sam is at in his life right now...what he likes, what he does, who he hangs out with, things like that. This incomplete list is what comes to mind:



Likes--

• finding doors wherever he goes to open and close them


• bobbing up and down to music


• running away from his parents at the park


• wrestling and cuddling with his parents at home (I call this "getting mauled" because he just throws himself at my face, often causing minor pain to my nose, eye socket, etc. I love it though!)


• word books


• favorite toys are mirror-pound-a-ball, popcorn popper pushtoy, musical phone, tupperware


• bathtime


• Taimi our kitty


• exploring the garage


• the dishwasher


• going to Chase's house for playgroup

Doesn't like--

• when Mommy goes on the computer


• when Mommy reads her own book or magazine


• diaper changes (a real struggle about half the time)

Signs--

• water (to drink)


• more


• all done


• bath


• nurse


• casually working on please, thank you, help, but we're more interested in talking now!

Wears--

• 18 month clothes getting a little snug


• fitting into 24 month or 2T clothes for summer


• shoes size 6.5 with room to grow


• does not tolerate hats (we need to work on this)

Eats--

• I cannot think of a single food he flat-out doesn't like, though he is not always in the mood for every food and will refuse or gorge on most foods at one time or another


• for breakfast, oatmeal with yogurt, applesauce, almond butter and cinnamon, also often a banana or orange


• for other meals, roasted sweet potatoes, omelette with veggies, black beans, peas, korean veggie pancake, rice or cheese crackers, cream cheese sandwich, sunflower butter sandwich, cheese/refried bean/corn/salsa quesadilla, yogurt with blueberries, wholewheat pasta with veggie sauce, sauteed tofu and spinach, seasoned tempeh, strawberries, baba ghanouj, cottage cheese, wholewheat pita bread, asparagus, anything Mommy and Daddy are eating

Little Friends--

• At our Monday playgroup Sam plays with Chase, Sadie, Miles and Grace


• At our Tuesday playgroup he plays with Sadie, Weylyn, Reilly, Keil, Megan, Ryan and Jack

Places we go to have fun--

• For outdoor fun we go to HP regional park, OH park, McN park, LH park, CC regional park (names abbreviated for privacy)


• For indoor fun we go to library storytime, PS playspace


• For special occasions we go to the Discovery Museum, to meet Daddy for lunch, or someplace new

And lately, we've been doing some househunting together...more on that later.

the park

I remember about 10 years ago I went to the park with an organic farming colleague of mine who had just left the dirty world of growing veggies for the nice paycheck world of organic fruit distribution. She was babysitting her niece, and our catch-up conversation needed to happen at the local park. Now I do have fun childhood memories of going to the park with my grandmother, getting pushed on the swing, picking up maple tree helicopters...but on this particular day I remember feeling a widening gulf between myself and my colleague, who had of course sold out by going into distribution, and on top of that she was wearing platform shoes, not to mention this foreign world of strollers and string cheese she had brought me to. "No, no," I thought, "this isn't right at all...we're two badass farming women, with backs as strong as any guy...we double dig garden beds and push wheelbarrows of compost for fun...we wear double kneed canvas pants with rivets and big black heavy workboots! We do not hang out at the park and we do not wear platform shoes." Well, turns out she had changed.

And now, I hang out at the park too. I do not, however, wear shoes that in any way endanger my balance. How could I, when I am running after my little one all the time?

I have discovered the joys of being a park regular. It's not the organic symmetry of the landscaping or the richness of the soil in the sandbox. It's not shooting the breeze with other moms on the park bench (I never get to sit down at the park...Sam is the child who is always running out of bounds, turning the corner to see something new). No. It is seeing the smile on my little guy's face when he climbs up the playstructure all by himself, all the way up to the top of the slide, the sparkle in his eyes as he looks down, and his burst of glee as he slides with complete trust and freedom, his hair standing on end from the static charge, and the quickness with which he picks himself up at the bottom, and turns back to the steps to do it all over again. He's got some independence and some adventurousness, that little boy...it feels kind of familiar.

17 months old

We’ve seen quite a bit of development this past month here in toddler-land:

• Says “Daddy” in context! His first real word (“uh-oh” has been around for a couple of months, along with a kissing/smacking sound that indicates Taimi our cat)! He says it like “Daddeeee” and he uses it to refer to both Daddy and Mommy. I go to see him in the morning and he is all excited saying “Daddy! Daddeeee!” Denis gets it all the time of course, and when the phone rings while Denis is at work, Sam immediately perks up and says “Daddy!” because it is usually Daddy and Sam likes to listen to Daddy on speakerphone. Sometimes Denis gets called a nickname version “Dadu” which is supercute too.


• Definitely mimicking our sounds and intonations (we swear he was trying to sing along with us Row Row Row Your Boat one day in the car).


• Learned to climb onto the couch, bed, and adult-size chairs around the house. Loves to climb onto the chair to work the lightswitch, or to sit with us at the kitchen table. He can climb off the couch and bed backwards by himself too.


• Graduated from fully soft-soled baby/new walker shoes to tough little boy sneakers.


• Points to pictures in books and connects them to real life objects. The first was seeing the green door in his book Love is a Handful of Honey (one of my favorites and given to Sam when he turned one by our dear friends T&M). Doors are one of his Very Favorite Things, so it really got him excited to see one in a book. Now he looks for doors in all his books, and points at everything he’s interested in so that we will say what it is and he will give an excited grin like we said exactly what he was thinking.

• Nods yes in answer to questions like, "Would you like to go outside?" or "Are you hungry?" Has also shaken his head no a few times, though this is much more rare (only a matter of time, I realize! also his positivity answering the question has absolutely nothing to do with how cooperative he will be putting on his shoes for going outside, or getting into his highchair to eat!).


• Lots of success feeding himself with a spoon (we still do most of it, but he practices the whole meal and gets plenty of bites accomplished himself).


• Learned to keep his bib on while he is eating and to take it off when he is finished (he went through a phase of not wanting his bib on at all...had to be real parents and enforce some limits here).


• Figured out how to take a bite off of something, like a half banana or sandwich. To be fair, we never encouraged this and only offered him bite-sized pieces until now (which he often stuffs like 10 pieces in at a time anyway, the little squirrel), but he can now be mostly trusted with bigger chunks of food. I see a whole new world of possible meals consisting of sandwiches, yay for that.


• Likes to use a bit of lipbalm, just like Mommy (ok, not really a milestone, but I just love how his little mouth contorts as he gets his tiny dabs of lipbalm).

more hiking

Sam and I went for a hike this morning at our favorite regional park 10 minutes from home. We've been going there often since he was a wee babe, sometimes in the ergo carrier, or the backpack, or the stroller. Lately, Sam wants to walk by himself, and today he covered over a quarter mile with a modest elevation gain. We went all the way up to the pond with Sam toddling along ahead, stopping now and then to take a closer look at all the flowers by the side of the trail. We got to the pond and threw a few stones in to hear the plop (I did, he doesn't know throwing yet). We listened to the redwing blackbirds chirping to each other from tree to tree. Sam was prepared to keep hiking on his own, but I put him in the stroller, a little against his will....because sometimes I just need us to go at my pace for a bit.